All Posts, Zero sense

Makes zero sense Vol.2

The interior of the latest (2017) Mercedes E-Class is spectacularly good.

Disclaimer, I haven’t actually sat in one, so this is opinion is entirely built on pictures rather than hands-on investigation of build quality or the quality of materials used.

Let’s for convention sake take Rolls-Royce as the benchmark for “old school” luxury, class, opulence, some more words and wanky things. We read that a Rolls-Royce takes 100s of hours to build, 1700 cows give the skin off their backs per car and the carpet is made from the pubic hair of a Victoria Secret Angels. We perceive this to be the pinnacle, these completely random facts build this aspirational image of the brand but could it perhaps be that it takes 100s of hours because their employees are morons? Maybe 1700 cows is a waste of cows and maybe even at a stretch, Victoria Secret Angels don’t have the finest of pubic bushes.

In reality, the build quality is the benchmark, as are the quality of materials used and yes the carpets are so plush that if you imagine the perfect world it would be completely covered in that carpet.

To get to my point, we need to go to Windsor Castle.

That castle took 16 years to build and who knows how many cows, sheep, trees and gross peasants gave the skin off their backs to complete it. Take the tour through the inside and you’ll see the quality of materials used. Exotic woods, priceless art and tapestries of inconceivable complexity are found throughout. Honestly, they use gold leaf like we would use enamel paint. It is an absolute assault on your senses. Some people may fantasise about living there and for others, it would be hell-on-earth, but one thought that no one has ever had is ‘imagine they took this old crap and make a car interior out of it’, literally no one would want that. Similar to the fact that your Grandparent’s house feels so homely but not a chance would you want to live there, floral print and haunting ain’t cool.

So why is it that wood and leather are still the benchmarks for luxury in cars? Should you be able to sense the ghosts of all the wealthy white men who came before you whilst in your Rolls-Royce Ghost? If our homes looked like the interiors of these luxury sedans, guests would assume your grandparents had passed and you scooped up some of their furniture and again, a possible Poltergeist.

image courtesy- dailymail.co.uk
image courtesy- dailymail.co.uk

The new (2017) E-Class is beautifully contemporary in its use of ‘old school’. Visually it is interesting without looking like a spaceship, it has colour combinations that appear to have been never thought of and a real sense of technological authority. So why is this not the benchmark? Because it is not the most expensive? By implication, a polo where the seats are stuffed with shredded 100 dollars bills could be the go-to car for rap videos?

We actually wanted to make a point about the disconnect between car interiors and our living spaces but got lost in castles and paranormal activity, so we’ll have to circle back at some stage.

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